Dr. Tannen states in her book, “You’re Wearing THAT,” that the three areas that create the most conflict between mothers and daughters are hair, clothing, and weight.
The unproven assumption for this is that mothers see their daughters as reflections of themselves. Thus, when daughters do not look the way a mother feels they should, the mother becomes upset and negative.
If you find yourself feeling this way, as a mother you should try to examine the ways in which your daughter(s) reflect you in a positive manner. Does she have similar values and attitudes? Do her friends always say that your daughter is a person they can count on? Is she a good friend? Is she a hard-worker? A dedicated parent? A dependable volunteer?
Your daughter may not wear her hair in your favorite style, but if she is the kind of person whose character and values make her an asset to her family, friends, employer, and community, then take a moment to pat yourself on the back and to feel proud. At that moment, your negative thoughts about your daughter’s clothes, hair, and/or weight will melt away and you will be left with feelings of pride.