Cathy Cress author of ‘Mom Loves You Best’, joined Wriggling in the Middle to discuss the history of sibling issues. Cathy is a leading national expert in geriatric care. She has taught at UC Berkley, Stanford, and Florida. She has published 6 books and written over 30 articles.
Wriggling: What is an ‘I Hate You’ story?
Cathy: It is something that happened when you and your sibling are younger. In your mind the sibling caused pain, anywhere from taking half your room up to assault. The story, no matter what it is, turns into a wound in your mind. Sometimes the same story is told over and over again as the reason of not having a close connection.
Wriggling: How do you prevent these stories from holding your relationship back?
Cathy: The first step is to stay the story out loud with someone you trust. It has been in your head forever and has stopped you from having a relationship with your sibling. It can be very hard on the family system. The second step is to learn the rules, roles, and circumstances that may have contributed to these stories.
Wriggling: What are the red flags that identify an ‘I Hate You’ story?
Cathy: The first is if something transpired in your past that you didn’t want to take place and you cannot forget this occurrence. If you believe you are the victim in the story and the sibling is the villain. The third red flag is that you verbally repeat the story over and over again.
Want more from Cathy? Visit her website at Cathycress.com or follow her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/momlovesyoubest or twitter at @cathjocress.